we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
