Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
