things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're like the curious george of whores
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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