Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
