then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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