Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
