Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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