so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
