I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
