she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
