Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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