Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
