I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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