All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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