The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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