That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
