nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
