my phone needs a breathalizer
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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