positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
