Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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