He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
