I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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