what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
