im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
