hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
