you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
