According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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