i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
