somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
