I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
