none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
