Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
