So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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