he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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