you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
People with herpes should wear stickers.
only you would photoshop your dick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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