I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
