I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
