Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
