i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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