I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My feet surprised me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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