There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
