so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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