So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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