Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
