it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
