You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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