absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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