Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
