Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
