I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
