I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i now understand why vodka
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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