Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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