You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
