I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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