K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
