If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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