Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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