i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize