Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
