last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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