Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
