He had one of those small greek statue penises
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
