she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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