we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
