I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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