Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
